How Self-Reflection Can Help Us Keep Our Commitments
Last week I took a quick work trip to NYC. It was such a blessing, and frankly, a much needed break. January was a hard month! There were just so many upended plans. All the constant “making it work,” paired with solo-parenting had me feeling really worn out. I was ready for things to just work out the way they were “supposed” to.
I knew all that unsettled energy had started to seep into my work energy, too. (And of course it’s a two-way street—my workplace has its own uncertainty that seeps the other way, too.) But when I got to spend time with my colleagues and friends in the office, I was caught off guard at just how much it had been affecting me. More than once, I heard a quiver in my voice and a felt lump in my throat when I was asked to offer my perspective on some challenges that I (and my team) experience.
Even with help from my family and friends, I’d been carrying a lot, trying to hold it all together, both personally and professionally. Stepping away for a couple days helped me recognize that.
***
My friends and colleagues told me often on this trip, “You do so much! I don’t know how you do it all!!”
And I had to pause and think, “Am I doing too much?”
God’s given me a really strong gut instinct, and when I thought about this question, the answer was a very clear, “No. You’re not doing too much right now.”
There have been times when pride or stubbornness have compelled me to keep holding onto things (goals, dreams, tasks, etc.) that I really did need to let go of. But, right now I feel a sense of peace about each and every thing on my plate.
So that’s cool. But…what do I make of that?
***
Well, it makes me think of another thing my gut “told” me on this trip: My mom asked me before I returned home, “Are you refreshed and ready to be mom again?!”
My gut said, “No. I don’t feel refreshed.”
It was a good trip and I do love love love being in the office with colleagues. I do feel thankful—I was able to have some important conversations—and I did have some good “mama alone time” (hello, uninterrupted sleep!). But I don’t feel refreshed.
More than anything, I feel…aware.
I feel more aware than ever that living a full, integrated, invigorated life requires so. much. energy (mind, body, spirit). It requires a constant commitment and re-commitment to “the cause” of living fully.
I think that’s my big takeaway from this trip: I do have a lot going on. And, at least for right now, that’s not going to change. So that means I need to continue buck up and step up. Seize the day! Take heart! Be not afraid!
(Note: I’m not advocating for “stuffing” big feelings or going it alone—community is essential, and I’m so incredibly thankful for mine.)
***
A big part of being able to re-commit is self-reflection. I’ve been mostly in survival mode, which can make self-reflection hard to do. But, I think it’s even more vital in seasons like that. I’ve written before about how it’s really easy for life to happen to you instead of for you. If we’re not intentional about how we spend our time and energy, we can end up going down a path we never meant to, ending up somewhere we never wanted to go.
There are so many ways to be intentional with time and energy. The thing I’m going to focus on this month is to spend at least five minutes each day just reflecting. I’m going to try to make my self-reflection less about checklists and more about how I’m honoring my bigger picture and purpose; to assess how I’m responding fully to my personal call to holiness: How am I doing? How is my family doing? What needs to change, if anything? What can I control? Where am I headed? Is that where I want to be going? What do I need to do (or what help do I need) to course-correct?
***
We (I) will inevitably take steps backwards sometimes. But what we want to try to avoid is getting lost—either by getting distracted through comparison or envy, or by getting caught up in things outside of our control. And, I’m going to try to remember that if I am off track, I can just revisit—and restart—my vital behaviors, because I know they’ll get me the results I want.
Life is often full and messy and hard. But it’s also beautiful, and it’s a gift. And, most importantly, it’s always worth pursuing, even when we feel tired and stretched thin.
Will you join me in a season of self-reflection? And will you join me in recommitting to living fully, vibrantly alive?!